From Portland Mercury
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Reverse Evolution and MAGA
by Anonymous Evolution is quirky. On the face of it, the genetically fittest survive long enough to reproduce faster and better, so their genes come to dominate the species gene pool. That works, that is, until the process produces an organ, the human brain, that is able to reverse-engineer genetic progress. Then things go to shit in a flash. Why? Because that organ evolves non-biologically faster than its host ever could through gene mutation and...
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Illusion
by Anonymous This morning I saw a picture of Trump sitting at the defendant’s table at his criminal trial in New York. I thought to myself, this bloated chump of ours is all veneer. I ask myself, how can someone so fat be so thin at the same time? Our forever-blond boy is the shimmer that obscures the rot; he is the gloss that masks the dearth of substance. He is MAGA: a Mirage Announcing Grand Artifice. He is a Kodak snapshot of America: a crinkled,...
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Good Morning, News: Campus Protests Continue (in Portland and beyond), Oregonians Embrace the Train, and Weed is—Finally—Set to Be Reclassified by DEA
by Taylor Griggs The Mercury provides news and fun every single day—but your help is essential. If you believe Portland benefits from smart, local journalism and arts coverage, please consider making a small monthly contribution, because without you, there is no us. Thanks for your support! GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! It's supposed to be a little warmer and drier today than it was yesterday, but I'm not going to make any promises. It's May (!) in Oregon,...
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SAVAGE LOVE: Quickies
Online lust, stinky butts, and falling in love with one's sex worker—all these and more in this edition of Savage Love "quickies"! by Dan Savage 1. I’m 53-year-old straight woman. I’ve been talking with a guy online for three years — text, voice, video. I am in love with him. He is my daily companion and says he loves me. He lives 269 miles away. He doesn’t want to meet me, although he isn’t married, and lives alone. I’ve tried...
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Pro-Palestine Protesters Occupy PSU Library; Police Say Arrests are Imminent
As colleges around Oregon and the US stage occupation-style demonstrations, a library takeover at Portland State University prompts calls for protesters to leave peacefully, amid threats of prosecution. by Courtney Vaughn This story has been updated to note Tuesday's campus closure. College campuses across the US are seeing sit-in style protests against the war in Gaza, and Portland is no exception. A few hours after a rally...
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Good Morning, News: Protesters Break Into PSU Library, Appeals Court Sides With Transgender Patients, and a Zebra is Missing
by Courtney Vaughn GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! We could be in for thunderstorms today, as we get pelted with rain and chilly temps. Today’s high is a chilly 53 degrees. We're still reeling from yesterday's Steel Bridge train derailment and bridge closure, but life moves on. In LOCAL NEWS: Police called a late night press conference Monday at Central Precinct, to announce that Portland State University leadership has asked them to break up an...
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Monét X. Change's Life Be Lifin’ Tour Delayed, "But She's Still Coming Mama"
In the decade since Kevin Bertin called Portland’s Alberta neighborhood their stomping grounds, like has life'd the comedian, singer, and drag artist around the world. Whenever Bertin goes toe to toe with a bigger personality –whether it’s their best friend, Bob the Drag Queen; the drag legend Lady Bunny; or even the Queen of Pop herself –they win hardest when they stick true to themselves. This sounds easy enough, but Bertin concedes that it’s an ongoing conversation with themselves that...
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Portland Freight Train Derailment Spotlights Transportation and Environmental Risks
A Union Pacific freight train derailed on the east end of Portland's Steel Bridge Monday, halting traffic for several hours. Advocates say it could've been a lot worse. by Taylor Griggs A Union Pacific (UP) freight train derailed around 6 am Monday morning on the east end of the Steel Bridge, halting all travel across the bridge for more than four hours. While the bridge reopened to all modes of traffic after local...
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The Top 41 Events in Portland This Week: Apr 29–May 5, 2024
21 Savage, Alison Roman, and More Top Picks by EverOut Staff This week is gonna be another wet one, but on the bright side, there are plenty of stellar events happening indoors. Plan your week with us with everything from 21 Savage's American Dream Tour to Ben Schwartz & Friends and from Rip City Comedy Fest to Alison Roman Gives Solicited Advice (Live). MONDAY LIVE MUSIC Mannequin PussyYou can go ahead and file Mannequin Pussy...
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THE TRASH REPORT: President Jokes vs. Ex-President Farts! Also: Zendaya, Britney, Monica, and an Exercise on Positive Thinking
It's time to dig deep into this week's receptacle of garbage-y gossip! by Elinor Jones Hello, Trash Pandas, and welcome to another edition of The Trash Report. I've had some serious blues lately and I'm not totally sure why. The likely culprits are: 1) it felt like spring for a second and I opened up my light receptors, but then the weather turned grey again so I absorbed melancholy, or 2) the times we live in, generally. ¿Por...
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Good Morning, News: Train Derailment Closes Steel Bridge, PSU Joins Nationwide Protests, and Gov. Kristi Noem: Animal Serial Killer 🔪🔪🔪
by Wm. Steven Humphrey The Mercury provides news and fun every single day—but your help is essential. If you believe Portland benefits from smart, local journalism and arts coverage, please consider making a small monthly contribution, because without you, there is no us. Thanks for your support! GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! Expect more mercurial (heh) weather for the next couple days with rando showers and a chance of thunderstorms with highs topping 58...
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YOUR SUNDAY READING LIST: Another Gonzalez Flop, Sexy Fast Food, and Who Wants $15 Million?
by Wm. Steven Humphrey GOOD MORNING, SUNDAY! It's the perfect time to catch up on some of the great reporting and stories the Mercury churned out this week! (PRO TIP: If you despise being "the last to know," then be one of the first to know by signing up for Mercury newsletters! All the latest stories shipped directly to your email's in-box and then YOUR HEAD.) • City Council Formulates New Public Camping Rules For the Unhoused; Gonzalez’s Plan...