From The Onion
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Meaning Fact: Did You Know?
The Onion brings you all of the latest news, stories, photos, videos and more from America's finest news source.
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Chick-Fil-A’s First-Ever Restaurant Closes After 56 Years
Chick-fil-A’s first-ever restaurant, located in a mall in Atlanta, GA, has closed after more than half a century in business. What do you think?
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Scientists Link Dwindling Insect Populations To Pale Weird Kid
DARMSTADT, GERMANY—Finding a potential root cause for a problem that has greatly perplexed scientists, a new report published Tuesday in the Journal Of Applied Entomology has linked dwindling global insect populations to this one pale weird kid. “We have seen a massive die-off of insects, a phenomenon that could
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Houseguest Offended After Host Only Offers Rawhide To Dog
SAN JOSE, CA—Saying she felt insulted and completely disrespected, area houseguest Laura Dempster told reporters Tuesday she was offended when her host, Paul Pulte, only offered rawhide to her dog. “Call me petty, but I found it incredibly rude that Paul would give the dog a rawhide and snub me,” said Dempster,
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Police Came In Their Pants As Fast As They Could When They Got Domestic Violence Call
The Onion brings you all of the latest news, stories, photos, videos and more from America's finest news source.
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Man Worried He Might Have Mentioned Sorcery Too Many Times During Job Interview
JACKSONVILLE, FL—Expressing concern that he might have played up his facility with witchcraft and dark magic at the expense of other qualifications, local man Timothy Sellers told reporters Tuesday that he might have mentioned sorcery a few too many times during a recent job interview. “It seemed to go pretty well,
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New Evidence Shows Martin Luther King Never Called Malcolm X A Butterface
CHICAGO—In a bombshell report that revealed that Playboy Magazine had falsified several famous quotes from the civil rights leader in 1965, new evidence revealed Tuesday that Martin Luther King Jr. never called Malcom X a “butterface.” “While it’s widely perceived that there was a deep rift between the two, not once di
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Voters React To GOP Candidate Vivek Ramaswamy
Vivek Ramaswamy, a 37-year-old entrepreneur and self-proclaimed nationalist, made waves by launching his campaign for the 2024 Republican presidential primary. The Onion asked voters how they felt about the GOP candidate, and this is what they said.
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New York City Sinking Due To Weight Of Its Skyscrapers
A new study has found that New York City is sinking 1 to 2 millimeters each year in part due to the extraordinary weight of its skyscrapers, worsening the flooding threat posed to the metropolis from rising seas. What do you think?
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Could You Pass Police De-escalation Training?
With confrontations between civilians and police officers on the rise nationwide, many precincts citizens alike hope de-escalation training is the solution to mitigating the dangerous situation. Can you answer some of the questions commonly given to officers about how to diffuse conflicts?
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Shedd Aquarium Would Trade It All For A Single Dog
CHICAGO—Saying there was nothing they’d wanted more in their entire lives, representatives from the Shedd Aquarium announced Monday that they’d trade it all for a single dog. “We’re proud to be home to more than 1,500 different species of aquatic animals, but at the end of the day, we’d rather have something that
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Goofy Beats Ron DeSantis To Death With Crowbar
The Onion brings you all of the latest news, stories, photos, videos and more from America's finest news source.