From NewsThump
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We must stop the small boats so we can take care of our own first, insists man furious at taxpayer cash being used to feed hungry schoolchildren
The small boats migrant crisis must be stopped immediately, so we can focus on helping our own people first, according to a man who lost his mind when he found out Sadiq Khan wanted to feed hungry school children at the taxpayer's expense.
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Peter Kay fans urged to save money on tickets for his new show by remembering things for themselves
Peter Kay fans have been told they could save money on tickets for his new tour by simply going on their own nostalgia binge.
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‘Biased BBC’ accused of failing to pander to every single one of man’s prejudices
45-year-old Simon Williams has insisted that as a licence fee payer the biased BBC should agree with him on absolutely everything and prioritise reporting on the things he believes are important.
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Rishi Sunak warns of ‘dangerous precedent’ if leaders have to resign simply because they can no longer govern effectively
Humza Yousaf has resigned as first minister of the Scottish Parliament, leaving Rishi Sunak to warn of a dangerous precedent if politicians must resign simply because they can't effectively do their job.
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New bullshit study reveals your fatal character flaw might be a good thing
Some pseudo-science shite has suggested the highly annoying thing you do might make you a genius or something.
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Lee Anderson reveals incredible new poll which shows 100% of Ashfield residents in his house will vote for Reform UK
Ashfield's very own moron-herder, and the nation's only Reform UK MP, Lee Anderson, has revealed the shocking results of a new poll which point to him winning a stunning re-election victory.
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After ‘Mr Bates vs The Post Office’ loses £1m, ITV urged to check if their bookkeeping software is made by Fujitsu
ITV has announced that its hugely successful TV drama, 'Mr Bates vs The Post Office,' was far from a commercial success. It lost about a million pounds, resulting in many viewers urging them to check the software that gave them that figure.
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‘I just don’t trust any jab’, insists woman who happily injects literal poison into her forehead every six months
A woman has today insisted she doesn't trust the government enough to get vaccinated against any 'made up disease', even though she's happy to let a beautician inject literal poison into her forehead three times a year.
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Man quietly sings ‘fuck you I won’t do what you tell me’ whilst putting jam on his scone first
Local Rebel Simon Williams is channelling the spirit of anti-authoritarian rock by rejecting social norms and putting the jam on his scone first, it has emerged today.
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Games Workshop further outrages fans by changing name of Corpse Starch to Snickers
Games Workshop have added to recent controversy in the popular Warhammer 40K line by changing the name of a well-established foodstuff to Snickers, it has emerged.